This thought has been building up for quite some time in the recesses of my mind, nagging a little bit every day but never enough to actually force me to write a message on my thoughts. There have been a few things that have happened recently to aquaintances of mine that make it impossible to ignore. Now it has taken over my entire thought process so that it is on my mind every minute of the day. It is bubbling up and I must write something about it. I may have very few followers of my blog but for anybody interested... WARNING: The post you are about to read comes from a deep seated anger and may have a tendency to rant and ramble.
Who or what in the world ever gave women the idea that we are supposed to surrender our entire identity to a man? Why would you ever give up everything that makes you a person in your own sense and let your significant other define you? Is it something that the religious sect has pounded into the heads of women, "the weaker sex", for so long that they are finally starting to believe it?? I know that the old fashioned lifestyle is to be the woman at home, take care of the children and the house, cook and clean and keep your family happy, healthy and functioning. Now I am not knocking that lifestyle for anyone who chooses it, I live that lifestyle. I am a stay at home mother, I do the laundry, I cook, clean, help with homework, make my husband get to bed when he has been up for 30 hours straight and try to keep the house quiet so he can get his much needed sleep. For the most part, it is very fulfilling for myself, it is the life we chose when we got married and decided we were going to have children that we did not want to put into child care. I am not complaining, I think I do my job reasonably well. I do not bring in a paycheck. I do not have a schedule I have to keep, and yes some days I could take a nap, read a book, or go out to lunch with a girlfriend if that is what I decide to do. But it does in no way make me less of a person than my husband. It does not make me lazy, my job is hard... it is emotionally taxing, I am on the clock at all times. The boys wake up in the night? I am there. The school calls and someone is sick? I am there. My husband comes home sick from work, dinner needs to get done, one of the kids classes needs snacks, the boys need clean pants for the next day, there is math homework and spelling words that need work... I am there. I have gotten off of the subject that I had originally started on, I will go back. Appreciating what at home moms do is a whole other blog in itself...
The reason I was writing this is because so many women have decided that they are lucky to have a man. Lucky to have someone who loves them or at least pretends. Why??? Why are we the lucky ones? Why isn't it men and women both who are the lucky ones to have found someone who loves them just as they are, accepting all our flaws. Men and women both have a whole long list of flaws it is not just one sex. Why don't men say, I appreciate everything you do for me. What has made women decide to give up their independence because that's what they think a man wants. They stay home and don't go anywhere because their man may possibly come home and see them for an hour. They ask permission to go out of the house, or buy something, or do something with their children. They feel guilty when they spend money that should rightfully be half theirs. They keep their hair a certain length or style, they dress a certain way, they keep their house clean because heaven forbid a man would think it wasn't done the right way. They lose themselves. They give up everything and become So-and-so's wife... and that is all they are. And then if their man decides he doesn't like them anymore, they are devastated, they lose all semblance of reality and go out of their way... giving 200% just to keep him happy. "Oh, you want me to drop all my plans because you decided to give me an hour of your time?" of course! Let me shave my legs and put on something pretty so you will actually love me! "You think I have gained weight?" Let me do a juice fast for a couple days so that you will like me again. "Can I go out with my friends shopping for the day?" No... ok well why don't I stay home with you and cook and clean for you, why don't you lay down and take a nap while I do your laundry.... the list goes on and on.
I am not a feminist by nature but I do believe that we women as a gender have given ourselves a bad rap. We are the only ones that allow ourselves to be treated as less than other people. Control over ourselves cannot be taken, we have to give it and that is what so many are doing every day. I am worthwhile. I have my own personality that is not defined in any way by my husband. My sense of humor may not always be appreciated by him or other people but that doesn't mean that I am going to change it just so he likes me and smiles at me. Our differences are what makes us such amazing, mysterious creatures...do not give that up to try to please men! And men, do not think for one minute that a woman is any less amazing and talented than you are. Don't ever put her under your thumb because it makes your life easier... you are taking the essence of the woman and losing the wonder of what we are. Women, take back your lives! Take back yourselves...let your actions define you, not who you are in a man's eyes!!!